


'cause I saw the end (before we'd begun)

by sarcastic_fina



Series: A Steroline Affair [1]
Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, prompt: affair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcastic_fina/pseuds/sarcastic_fina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You belong with her. And I…" Caroline forces a smile, even as her heart swells and breaks. She swallows those desperate words that claw at her throat, '<i>I love you. I think I always have.</i>' Instead, she shrugs. "I'll survive."</p>
            </blockquote>





	'cause I saw the end (before we'd begun)

  
_My heart was blinded by you._   
_I've kissed your lips and held your hand._   
_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._   
_I know you well, I know your smell._   
_I've been addicted to you._   


Stefan watches her as she dresses, his arms crossed loosely over his chest as he sits on the bed in little more than the jeans he recently picked up off the floor. He's silent, merely observing, catching every subtle movement she makes. She's long past the stage of embarrassment she might have felt at being half-naked around him. She can't even count how many times they've done this now…

She grabs her bra off the bedpost and slides it on, reaching behind herself to do the clasp. But he's there, suddenly, and he bats her hand away so he can do it for her, his knuckles gently brushing over her back. She swallows tightly and closes her eyes as she remembers him taking it off, his hands sliding around to cup her breasts, kneading as his thumbs thrummed over her nipples, teasing her. It would be so easy for them to fall into that again, to turn around and push him back toward the bed. But she doesn't; she  _can't_.

He takes her hips in his hands before she can pull away and continue looking for her shirt. He holds her there; they both know that if she wants to, she can break away. He's stronger, sure, but she's not weak by any means. And really, he would let her go if she tried to pull away, but she doesn't. She never does.

He kisses the back of her head, lingering a long moment.

"We can't keep doing this," she finally voices.

His fingers flex on her hips, squeeze her, but he doesn't speak.

"It's not right…" She bites her lip, "what we're doing. It… It makes me feel like a bad person and I've tried  _really_  hard not to be that anymore, so—"

"You're a good person, Caroline," he tells her, his arms wrapping around her, pulling her back against his chest as he hugs her. "This is on me. It's not you. It's—"

"You're not the only one  _here_. You're not the only one doing this!" She grips his forearms in her hands tightly. She should push him away, she should leave, but she doesn't. She likes how it feels being in his arms. She likes how she fits there. "You're hers. You always will be." She breaks away then, tugging his arms loose and stepping out of his reach.

She finds her shirt and pulls it on, avoiding eye contact as she tucks her hair behind her ears, slips her feet into her flats, and starts for the door. Tears prick at her eyes, but she blinks them away. "I'm not going to be around for a while. I think I'll get out of town for a bit." By a bit, she means forever. She won't set eyes on Mystic Falls for years, decades, maybe even centuries if she can help it. She nods, telling herself this is right, this is what she has to do. "Can you tell Elena? Just— Tell her I need to be on my own, so I'm not going to answer my phone for a while. I don't want her to worry."

"Caroline…"

She pauses as her heart clenches in her chest. "We were stupid. We made a mistake… A— A really  _dumb_ mistake." She turns to face him, even knowing that her tears have escaped, and she looks like a mess. "You belong with her. And I…" She forces a smile, even as her heart swells and breaks. She forces away those desperate words that claw at her throat,  _'I love you. I think I always have_.' Instead, she shrugs. "I'll survive."

He drops his eyes and drags a hand over his face, so she turns, walks out the door, and promises not to look back. She holds the sob in the whole walk down the stairs, her hands trembling, her chest aching. She can see it, the door leading outside, it's only a few more steps. She doesn't think to speed to it, she doesn't think about how easy it would be to just disappear in a flash, to run home, where she can cry as loudly as she needs to, packing up her things as she goes.

She takes the door handle and pulls, but it slams shut abruptly, torn from her grip.

And then his hand is in her hair, gripping it tight at the nape, and he turns her, pulls her in close, his face buried at her neck. "Don't go.  _Please_."

She squeezes her eyes shut and swallows tightly. "Stefan…" She reaches for his hand in her hair, she strokes her thumb over his knuckles so his fingers will relax, and then she tugs on his wrist. "You have to stop."

He shakes his head and raises it, stares her in the eyes, his own glossy. "It was me. I was an idiot. I— I should've ended things with her. I should've said something when this started. I was scared. I was stupid. Elena is— She's  _familiar_. I— I've been fighting for her for so long that it's hard to imagine not having her. It's hard to let go." He cupped her face, stroking her cheek, wiping away the tear that falls. "But I don't love her, Caroline. I'm not  _in love_  with her anymore."

She shakes her head. " _Don't_."

"I screwed this up. I shouldn't've done it this way." He strokes her hair back from her face and cups her cheeks. "I'll tell her. I'll break up with her. I should've done it before. Just... Please, don't leave." His lips tremble as he inhales sharply. "Even if you don't want to be with me, I— I need you in my life. You're my best friend. You— You're  _everything_."

She wants to believe him, she really,  _truly_ does. But she's seen the tornado that is Stefan and Elena. They are that sad epic love story that never ends. And she loves him, she does, with all of herself, which is exactly why she can't be with him. Because eventually, Elena will need him and he'll go to her, and Caroline will be the fool that thought she could actually make him love her.

So she'll take her memories of what it was like, of how warm and tender and sweet he was. She'll remember the way he kisses her and how he laughs and reaches for her when she pretends to be sleeping so she can cuddle with him a little while longer. She'll keep every look, every smile, every silent message he sends her with just a quirk of his eyebrows. And maybe one day, it won't hurt to remember it. It won't hurt to think of him and the way he says her name or how he plays with her fingers or how he strokes her hair when he thinks she's sleeping. Maybe one day she'll remember how he asked her to stay and it will just be a sweet reminder of a love almost had but already lost.

So she presses a hand to his chest, and she doesn't care to think about how it's right over his heart, and she pushes him back, away from her. She curls her fingers, his skin so warm under her touch, and she swallows the little voice that cries out for her to take a risk, to trust that he wants to be with her and only her.

Her voice trembles, but it doesn't stop her. "Goodbye, Stefan."

He breaks, his eyes closing, tears spilling, and she hates that it's the last time she'll see him, that this is how she'll remember it, but she reaches for the door and she slips outside and now she runs, as fast as she can. From him, the heartbreak, and the desperate splintering in her chest that wants her to turn back.

She goes home, she packs, and she tells herself it's okay. She'll get through this. She'll be stronger, she'll make her heart tougher, she won't make the same mistakes again. She'll move on. She'll forget him.

She writes a note for her mother and she gathers up her luggage.

Her phone rings, demanding her attention, but she sees Elena's smiling face and guilt and envy gnaw at her. She doesn't answer it, doesn't touch it. She leaves her phone there on her dresser and walks away, taking her bags with her. She loads it all in her trunk, takes one last look at her childhood home, and promises herself that she'll call her mom as soon as she's settled.

Climbing into her car, she pulls away and doesn't look back. She turns her stereo up loud and sings until it's all she can hear. Sings even though her voice keeps breaking and her tears won't stop. She drives until she's passing the 'Leaving Mystic Falls' sign and then she keeps going.

Back home, on her dresser, her phone beeps with a text message from Elena.

_Where are you? I need you! Stefan and I broke up. Please! Call me back!_

[ **End**.]


End file.
